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How To Handle Competition When Meeting Women

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 1/4/10

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: How do you handle competition from other men when going out and meeting women and on internet dating sites?

Answer: Well, the first thing I would do is assess how much competition the other guy really is. Just because a guy is interested in the same girl as you, does not make him necessarily competition. Just because he is talking to a girl you like does not make him competition.

Now if he knows what he is doing better than you do, then sit back and watch him work. You can learn things from other guys that you can apply at a different time.

Also he might be a good guy to hang with if he attracts women – or better yet – the same kind of women that you like. Hanging out with a guy who attracts the kind of women you like is a definite plus. Girls may be attracted to him, but not everyone will like him once they talk to him. There may be lots of opportunity to meet women by hanging with him.

Now, if a guy doesn’t know what he is doing, that can be an advantageous situation also.

I once had a friend who was attracted to the exact same type of women as I was. He was a lot more aggressive than me. He would approach all kinds of attractive women all night long when we went out.

All I did was stand next to him on his approaches. His technique was so bad that girls got tired of him in about two minutes. At just about that point in his approach, the girls would typically start talking to me to “escape” him.

I was recently divorced and shy at the time, so this worked like a charm for me. This guy unknowingly became my “wingman.”

So I guess my point is that one way or another, you don’t have anything to lose by guys trying to move in on what you consider your territory. If the guy is good, you’ll learn from him. If he isn’t, he will assist you.

But if you have a situation that you can’t handle, for example, a guy who makes you jealous, or a guy who is neither good nor bad and just interferes, the solution is simple. Talk to him about being cooperative and taking turns being each other’s wingman, and if that doesn’t work then don’t go out with him when trying to meet women.

Internet dating sites is entirely different. Most women get tons of emails when they first appear on a site. It is a good idea to be one of the first ones to email them as sometimes they get so many emails they get overwhelmed and take their profile down, or they won’t bother to read any emails after the first couple of hundred or so.

So put a good message in the subject line, that way if they are not opening emails and just judging by subject lines, you have a chance. Also Saturday mornings and Saturday afternoons are times when more people check emails online. After Friday night’s failures people are just a little more interested in seeing what is out there. If you email at that time you might ace out a few competitors.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

What To Say On The First Phone Call

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/28/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: What do you say to women when you are calling them for the first time after meeting them?

Answer: I speak to women on the phone the same way I would if I were talking to them live. Basically I try to “qualify” them to see if I am interested in pursuing anything further with them.

It is basically an interactive conversation based on what I ask and what comes up in response to my questions.

I let my own interest guide me. I don’t have a set patter of questions. I ask what I want to know about a person and as I ask more and more, usually more things come up that I want to know.

I try to get a feel for their personality and their interests to see if I feel they are compatible with me.

Women can tell I am qualifying them, and they like that. It shows that I am sane and not needy. If I am interested in them they will feel a little special as they know that I am not interested in just “anyone.”

I ask very common questions like, “What do you do?”, “What area do you live in?”, “Where are you from originally?” to get the conversation going, then I ask questions about their answers after that. “Do you like doing that?”, “Is that fun?”, “How long have you lived there?”

I don’t ask all these types of questions in a row. Usually I will ask one of the above and then their response leads me into other questions. When I exhaust a line of questioning, then I will ask another basic question.

I try to listen to what the woman says as much as possible and qualify her by asking more questions. Talking about myself doesn’t qualify her and I do that as little as possible – only in response to her questions.

So for example, if I ask a woman, “What do you do?” and she says, “I am an accountant.” I might then ask, “How do you like that?” If she says, “I like it a lot”, I would probably come back with, “Really, why is that?”

I try to ask a lot of open-ended questions so the woman can talk a lot and I can see what kind of personality and interests she has.

This is really not difficult stuff, especially if you let your own interest and curiosity guide you. Just ask the things you want to know, listen a lot and ask some more.

Women like guys who listen. I close 90% of my first dates for a second date so listening is not something that will ever hurt you.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

Her Body Language Says She Likes You

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/21/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, what is the best body language sign that a woman likes you?

Answer: Well, the best body language indicator is to look at “motion toward” and “motion away.”

People generally make a motion toward things that they like, things they are attracted to, things that interest them. They similarly make a motion away from things they don’t like, things that repulse them, and things that do not interest them.

So when meeting women, I generally constantly monitor these motions.

If I say “Hi” to a woman and she says “Hi” back and smiles and asks my name, those are “motions toward”. Similarly if I were to say “Hi” to a woman and she were to ignore my gesture, turn her back and walk away. Those are “motions away.”

The above are clear indicators of interest and disinterest. But it is not always that easy. Sometimes you might say “Hi” to a woman and she says “Hi” back with a smile, but then walks quickly away.

What does this simultaneous “motion toward” and “motion away” mean?

Well we usually call this mixed signals and it can mean a variety of things in various situations. You simply need to observe the patterns and understand them before you decide to act one way or the other on the signals.

In the case above, it could mean she is interested but has a date or a boyfriend nearby. Or it could mean that she is a tease, trying to set you up to get “stuck” on her.

That is why the best pick up line, so to speak, is a simple “Hi”. Because if a woman is interested in you, she will make a “motion toward” and keep the conversation going no matter what you say. If she is not interested she will bolt as soon as you give her a chance.

Now people can be interested and leave the conversation at an appropriate point. This is not a “bolt.” And people who leave at an appropriate point will usually leave with some indication that they will be back, or perhaps they have given you a phone number and suggested that you call them some time.

Normal human reaction is a pattern of “motion toward” and “motion away – a person moves towards something they are attracted to, them moves away, then moves towards it again, then moves away, etc.

People who just make “motions toward” (or an imbalanced pattern of motions which are considered too much “motion toward”) would usually be aberrated – such as stalkers, and those we consider “clingy”, etc.

The whole point of my writings in Dating To Relating From A To Z, is to teach men (and women) how to create “motion toward” in others. Motion can be created, directed and redirected. Motion does not have a predetermined fate. Learn to create and direct motion and you will become the master of your own fate.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

Do All Women Play Head Games?

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/14/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Do all women play “head games”? Or just a certain type?

Answer: Playing “head games” is not inherent to either men or women. It is more of a “personality type” issue. Unfortunately, a lot of dating gurus, of the same personality type, teach people strategies that are “head games.”

Most “head games” are uncomfortable unless you know the counter “head game.” The strategies that I teach are not head games but observational strategies and are usually received in a comfortable manner by others.

I would estimate that the majority of people do not play head games. However, a woman’s tendency for subtle communications can sometimes mistakenly be identified as a head game.

Most women won’t usually come out and say that they find a guy attractive, for example. Some men take this as a head game and wonder why women can’t just be direct like men.

But there is a difference here. Head games are usually designed to control or manipulate someone’s behavior in a somewhat heartless and careless way.

When a woman communicates in subtleties to a man, she is doing it for survival. Men are aggressive enough with women. If a woman gives a man encouragement to be even more aggressive, it could be a mistake that results in bad consequences. Most women want to check out the guy’s personality first before they give him any clear signals he can act upon.

How can you tell the difference between “head games” and “subtleties.” Well, there are books written by women instructing women how to play head games with men. Things like “never be on time”, “never return a guy’s phone call”, “always make him pay for dinner”, etc. are “head games” which are taught.

These strategies are not situational and are some misinformed woman’s idea of how to control “men” in general. What they don’t get is that these type of strategies only work on a certain personality type of man.

Don’t confuse these purposeful manipulations that women are taught to do to “all” men with subtle communications – such as a women “not” telling you she is very attracted to you while she goes out with you any time you ask. This girl isn’t trying to manipulate you she just wants to get to know you better before she decides if she wants to be your girlfriend.

In the final analysis, people have personalities and both men and women have different personalities types. Be wary of anyone who gives you advice that says ALL women or ALL men are like this….blah, blah, blah.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

How To Move From Friends To Lovers

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/30/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, this girl at my school always plays with her hair when she talks to me. Other dating gurus have said this is a sign that a girl is flirting with you, but I am not sure. What do you think?

Answer: Well, I have heard the myth too, and it is mostly that – a myth. Most women play with their hair out of boredom. If you observe closely you will see that the women who play with their hair do it all the time in a lot of situations even when talking to other girls.

I think the myth got started because if you flirt back with a women who is bored who you think is flirting with you, she will probably get into it and flirt back with you, so it looks like she started it.

If you want to know if a women is flirting with you, there are a lot of better indicators than the “playing with her hair” thing.

Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you convert a friendship into a lover?

Answer: The biggest mistake I see guys make who end up just being friends is to not “test the waters” romantically. Some guys are just friends with a girl and never make it known that they are interested in her romantically. They never flirt or do anything romantic. So they create a friendship and nothing else.

If you want a romantic relationship you have to let a girl know that is your intention even if you are “just friends.” Depending on how well you create the romantic part she might change her mind even if she originally just wanted to be friends.

The other mistake that I see a lot of guys make is to not recognize that the girl is absolutely not interested in them romantically. These are the guys that do make it known that they are interested in a romantic relationship but still get relegated to “just friends.”

Needless to say, these guys are usually making all kinds of “dating” mistakes. They would stand a better chance if they backed off romance and concentrated more on just being friends.

Question: My best friend always interferes with me when I am approaching women. He will come over and start monopolizing the conversation to the point I can’t get a word in edgewise. What do I do?

Answer: Get a new best friend is the obvious answer. One that helps you meet women rather than hinder you. Short of that, turn the situation to your advantage. I had a friend who did the same thing to me. I would just point out hot girls to him and say “let’s go talk to her.”

He would do all the talking and I would just listen quietly, after about five minutes he would establish himself as a jerk to the girls and they would start talking to me to escape him. Worked every time and I never complained. The wrong thing to do is to compete with these kinds of guys. Either get new friends or learn to use their motion to your advantage.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

What To Talk About When You Meet A Woman

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/23/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: How do I ask a girl who I am seeing to be my girlfriend?

Answer: My experience has been that if you have to ask, something is wrong. Most of the time, relationships evolve naturally. You start dating someone, you like them, so you see them more and more. You lose interest in seeing other people. My “girlfriend” conversation is usually simple. After a month or two, I usually find myself saying “Are you dating anyone else, because I am not.” They invariably say “No, I stopped seeing other people. I am just dating you.”

But if you have to ask, do it like women do. Don’t be confrontational – “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Say something like “So we have been going out every week for 4 weeks now, does that mean I am your boyfriend?”

At least that will open the subject and you will find out where you stand.

Question: Do you think it’s a good idea to have a couple of regular stories lined up for the first few minutes of a conversation with a woman when you try to approach and meet her?

Answer: Well, I think it is much better to have a couple of questions lined up for women when you first meet them. Guys who go on-and-on talking about themselves tend to bore girls. Show that you are interested in her by asking questions.

But don’t work a list for too long. Listen to what the person says. Ask more questions based on what they just said. That shows that you are listening and are interested.

It does help to have questions lined up for different situations, however. The kind of questions you might ask a women at a social gathering, and the kind of questions that you might ask passing her on the street may be entirely different. You may want to work those out ahead of time and have them ready to go for different situations.

Question: I called this girl that I met and asked her out. When she asked me when I want to meet, I told her “Today, tomorrow, or any other time you want to meet.” Was that the right way to respond?

Answer: No, That sort of makes you look like a desperate loser. It would be better to show her you have some sort of life and that you are not available anytime. A simple response like “I am busy Saturday and Sunday night, but I am open Friday, sounds like you have a life. If she says “Too bad, Friday is the only night I can’t, then set something up for the next week.

If you really can’t wait to see her you could always call her back the next day and say “My Saturday night gig was postponed so if you would rather move our date up to Saturday, I can do that now.”

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

How To Keep Your Romance Going

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/16/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: How do you keep your romance going after you have been with someone for several years. Isn’t it natural for things to get boring?

Answer: Well, it may be common but it is not natural. It is common because most couples fail to continually create their relationship. Both men and women are guilty of making a “romantic” effort to get someone and then stopping that effort after they “get that person.”

Romance is something that you have to continually create in order to continually experience it. What is romance? Well it is listening to your partner and showing them you care by doing those little things that please them.

For some women, it may be opening car doors, and giving them your coat when it is cold. For others, it might be a box of chocolates and flowers. For yet others, it just might be listening to them talk about their day. In other words what people consider romantic will vary from person to person.

In general, however, romance is something that must be done outside of the bedroom as well as in it….you know, shopping with your girl in the mall, holding hands as you walk, having a sexy conversation and flirtation at lunch. Little kisses and touches throughout the day.

Anything that lets your girl know you are thinking of her is romantic. So bringing home her favorite pastry, or picking up something for her at the store that you saw and knew she would want, would be romantic.

A surprise vacation, or a weekend trip can also be very romantic, but big romantic efforts, though well appreciated, don’t do as much good in creating romance as the little daily romantic efforts that show you are continually thinking of her and care.

One of the better ways to create romance is to continue doing whatever you did to get the girl in the first place and to figure out new and better ways to do those things.

If you have a relationship, then obviously you did something right and you were successful in “romancing” her to begin with. But all too often people expend much energy and effort to do all sorts of romantic things to get someone to be their girlfriend or to marry them. Then after they get married or move in together, they feel like they don’t have to make the effort anymore because they “got” the girl.

Wrong way to think. If you want to keep the girl and keep you relationship fresh and romantic, you have to continue doing whatever you did to get her in the first place. You have to keep doing it over and over again, you have to think of new and better ways of doing it, and you have to do this forever. (Or at least as long as you want to have a relationship with her!)

If you do this you will find that romance can last a lifetime and never get boring.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

How To Meet A Woman And Get Her Phone Number

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/9/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you get a girl to give you her phone number when you are walking down the street, or see someone you like in a mall?

Answer: Well, there are many ways to get a girl’s phone number, but this situation is probably the hardest of them all. Spotting some random girl walking down the street and trying to get her phone number when you don’t even know her and only have about a minute to stop her and try to get it, is not easy.

The majority of guys see a girl they are attracted to and 90% of the time they will make an instant decision that they would like that girl for a girlfriend and would like to have sex with her. Guys are very visually oriented.

Girls on the other hand, even if they see a guy who is very attractive, won’t immediately desire to have sex with that guy or be in a relationship with him. Girls are more inclined to want to check out the guys personality first and know something about him before committing to “acting on their interest.”

Now this is what the majority of each sex does. There are exceptions. But for simplicity’s sake let’s continue.

Most women will rule out or disqualify a guy whose only interest in them is sexual. When a guy walks up to a girl and expresses his desire to have a relationship with her based only on her looks, that is an immediate disqualifier for most girls. Even if she gives you her phone number, she probably won’t answer the phone or return your calls.

On the other hand, most girls like it when they know a guy is “checking them out” not only for their looks, but for their personality and mutual interest. Women will be likely to give their phone number to a guy who is checking them out.

So if you want to stop a women on the street, or in the mall, or in the store, and have a brief conversation with her that ends in getting her phone number, the first thing you have to realize is that the conversation shouldn’t be about how “hot” she is or how “good” she looks.

Instead, become adept at quickly spotting something about her that creates a conversation about mutual interests, or personality characteristics. For example, stopping a women on the street and commenting about what nice taste she has in clothes, and asking her for some quick advice on where to buy clothes like she has, could lead to getting her phone number. Your excuse could be that you are on your way to work, as she is, and you would like to ask her some more questions, but simply don’t have the time right now.

Stopping someone getting out of their car, and asking them questions about their new Toyota could lead to getting their phone number so you can ask them a few more questions as you are looking to buy the same model.

When you have these kind of quick conversations, girls might know you are also interested in them, but they won’t really care. They will like the fact that you are not focusing on sex and will feel safer talking to you. They will answer your calls and they will return your calls when you leave a message.

The hard part is coming up with a quick topic to talk about that is relevant to the girl you are stopping. That just takes practice. The more you do it, the better you will get at it.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

Is It Okay To Lie To Women To Pick Them Up?

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 1/12/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, some of the men’s gurus advocate telling lies to women to pick them up. How do you feel about that?

Answer: Well that is actually a tough question. I advocate telling the truth to women as a general rule, however there are no absolutes. It is actually “harmful lies” and “harmful truths” that should be avoided.

What is a harmful lie or a harmful truth varies with personality type. Telling one woman that she is “fat and ugly” might inspire her to do something about her looks and help her improve herself. Telling another woman the same words might depress her and make her want to “never go out again.” So in one case the truth helps and in another it harms.

So, as always, exact actions are situational and appropriate to a set of circumstances. Knowing when to say what may be an act of diplomacy. However if you are not a diplomat and you just need a rule of thumb to follow then, in general, I always advocate telling women the truth. This is especially true when meeting women for the first time.

I know a lot of guys who try to impress women by lying not about major things (Like “I own a Bentley and live in Beverly Hills” ) but about their likes and desires. Things they think won’t harm anyone if they lie about it. Things that just help them “get the girl”.

So, for example, a guy doesn’t like being a gentleman. He doesn’t like opening car doors, and holding hands, and buying flowers. But he pretends like he likes it and does it anyway because he feels he has to do this to get the girl. He doesn’t perceive this as a harmful lie, when in fact it is harmful to both himself and the girl he is dating.

Why is it harmful? It is harmful because he is misrepresenting himself and ultimately that will come back to haunt him.

What typically happens is the guy will be a gentleman until he “gets” the girl. So when he is confident she is his girlfriend, or she moves in with him, or in some cases it might be when she marries him, he then stops doing these things he doesn’t like as he now “has” the girl.

Now the girl became the “girlfriend” or moved in with him, or married him because she thought he was a gentleman and liked that about him. But because he lied about who he really was it all starts to unravel when he “gets” the girl and stops acting like a gentleman. It ends in a breakup or divorce. Thus the lie was ultimately harmful to the relationship itself.

It is much better to tell a woman the truth and, in this case, find a woman who doesn’t need or want you to be a gentleman. This way you can continue to be who you are after you get the girl and your marriage won’t fall apart because of a lie.

So if you don’t quite have the ability to be situational and want a guiding principle then this is it. Always tell the truth.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012

Why Do Women Like To Play Games With Guys?

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/26/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Why do women like to play games with guys? Why can’t they just be like men and be honest about their feelings?

 

Answer: Well, women are no more into games than men. In fact, it is a personality “type” that is into games not something characteristic of either men or women.

There are many personality types among both men and women. Some types are very direct and truthful in their communications. From my experience, this is a minority of people.

There is another personality type that is responsive to direct honest communication, but is also responsive to playing games. These people can go either way depending on how you approach them.

So be careful in your approach. A lot of men consider that women are “playing games” because when a guy walks up to them and says he is attracted to the woman, she doesn’t respond with an equal statement even if she is attracted to the guy. Instead she coyly “tests” the guy.

Now you might consider that you are being straight forward and not playing games with the woman when you approach her and tell her you are attracted to her, but this woman might think otherwise. It is a matter of viewpoint. From your viewpoint you are not playing any games and she is.

But, let’s look at it from her viewpoint. From her viewpoint, any guy that approaches her purely on her looks and says he “likes” her or is “very attracted” to her, without knowing anything about her personality is into the “sex” game.

From her viewpoint, relationships have a lot more to them than just “sex.” So when a guy approaches her like that, she doesn’t see that as a straight forward, honest guy. She sees it as a guy who is playing the “sex” game. This same girl if approached differently may not respond with a game but be capable of responding with straight forward communication.

If you approached this same girl and said you were attracted to her looks, but that you would like to talk to her for a while to see if her personality was as attractive to you as her looks. She might respond with some good honest communication because now she sees you as a straight forward guy. A guy who is honest enough to say “Hey, you are cute, but I don’t know anything else about you. I want to make sure you are not some insane woman before I could ever possibly hook up with you.”

Then of course there are personality types that are into games, and there is nothing you could say or do to get them out of “games.” You just have to learn how to beat them at their own games.

The main thing to realize, however, is that it is personality that determines whether a person plays “games”- not their gender. Learn and observe personality types and you will find your self more causative in human relations of all kinds.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – December 6, 2012