DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/19/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: My ex-girlfriend is routinely cheating on her new boyfriend with me. How do I work this to get her back? Answer: Well, my answer to you is why would you want her back? If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. You should drop her like a hot potato.
I am constantly amazed that there are people gullible enough to think that someone who cheats on someone else with you, would never cheat on you. Cheaters cheat! That is what they do. And if you are going to get involved with a cheater, do yourself a favor and don’t take anything they say seriously. Use them for whatever it is you want, then get the heck out of there.
A decent girl, if she did cheat with you on her new boyfriend, would immediately break up with him and go back to you. Or break it off with you again and go back to him and never do it again. Sometimes passions lead to indiscretions, but the fact that she is doing it continually speaks to a personality flaw – not an indiscretion.
Now you might be jealous and want her back, but you need to just stop and look at what you are doing. Do you really want her back, or are you just hurt and trying to get her back to feel better? Do you even like her? Did you ever like her?
I had a friend who had a mutual break up with a girl and then she got a new boyfriend real quick and he didn’t get a new girlfriend. Well even though he was okay with breaking up, he now got real jealous and wanted her back.
He would go out as “friends” and get her drunk and she would cheat on her new boyfriend with him. He did this routinely and started convincing himself that he loved her and wanted her back. (Prior to the break up he only talked about what a problem she was and how he never wanted to marry her.)
This went on for a year or two and he was obsessed with her and didn’t go out with anyone else. Finally she started cheating on the new boyfriend and him with another guy. After this he began to see her personality flaw again and eventually backed out of the whole thing a lot wiser and smarter.
He wasn’t a bad guy and didn’t cheat on her while she was cheating on the new boyfriend but all in all it was a mess.
Unless you are a player and know how to deal with such women, stay away from anyone who wants to cheat on someone else with you. It is not a good omen – just trouble.
Want to flirt and meet people for dating on Facebook, but don’t know how?
Well anyone who has been following my writings knows that all strategies to meet people are situational, and that people have different personalities and respond differently to different approaches. And that most strategies require “gradients” or steps. But here are some basics on how to flirt on Facebook that apply to most situations. (For more detailed situational and personality approaches see “Dating To Relating – From A To Z)
On Facebook, your flirting strategy will depend on whether you are approaching a complete stranger, a friend of a friend, or someone you know in real life.
Let’s take the case of approaching someone you know in real life first as that is the easiest to flirt with. That breaks down into two sub groups, people who are already your friend on Facebook, and people who you know who are not your Friend on Facebook yet.
If they are already your friend on Facebook, this is the simplest task. The first gradient of flirting (use when you are totally unsure of your standing with this person) is to comment on some of their posts and pictures. Don’t comment on every one. You don’t want to be a Facebook stalker! And keep your comments short and appropriate. Also, don’t always be the first one to comment. You don’t want to seem TOO eager.
If the other person is interested in you they will reply to your comments. It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as it is appropriate. This is a basic dating principal. If a person is interested in you they will keep the conversation going.
Remember that less can be more. Watch the wordiness of your posts. If someone uses 5 words to comment, don’t post a dissertation in response. Match their style. Don’t update your profile every 5 minutes. And don’t keep commenting when a person is not responding. Wait for a response. Some people don’t check Facebook everyday. They will answer you when they do log in, but if they have 5 comments from you they may not. That might just freak them out.
So if the person ignores your comments, know there isn’t much interest. That is why you want to keep your comments neutral and appropriate. It may be embarrassing if you get rejected on Facebook for everyone to see. Neutral comments like “that looks cool” won’t be too embarrassing if ignored, but know if the person has any real interest in you, even a simple comment like that will get a response.
If a person totally ignores you then it is best to back off. Try some of the lower gradients that I will discuss in a moment to flirt with “friends of friends” and “strangers”.
If you are successful and the person always seems to respond to your comments, step it up a notch, do some pokes, use some apps which allow you to send virtual “gifts”, “drinks”, “flowers” and the like. Chat when he/she comes on line. A simple “hello” will do. See if he/she keeps the chat going. If the person is responding back then it is time to move it up a gradient and take the “flirt” off of Facebook.
If you are confident in the way things are going, send them a message (don’t write on their wall) asking them to go on a date, out to a movie, dinner and dancing. Use their profile to discover their likes and come up with something they would like. You can also just call them if you have their number and do the same. If you don’t you can suggest “let’s talk on the phone” as a gradient before asking them out. Some people just like to flirt as long as it doesn’t get serious. Asking for a phone call is a way to sort the “window shoppers” from the real deal.
Another gradient before asking for a date is to take it off of Facebook in a non-date setting. Organize a party or event for your friends and invite the person you are interested in. If they show up or even apologize (if they have something already planned) and say “next time” then that is a good response. When you meet use the live setting to get to know the person and step up your flirting or “asking out” for a real date accordingly. (Perhaps you ought to get a copy of “Dating To Relating – From A To Z” for the live interaction.)
Now the next scenario is how to flirt with the person who is NOT already a friend on Facebook. The first step here is asking them to be friends. Before you do that, make sure your profile is representing you the way you want it to.
A high degree of flirt is to make it known on your profile that you are “single and looking”. When the person checks out your profile they will know what you are up to. This will blow away people who are in a relationship or not interested for other reasons instantly. This is both good and bad. Bad because you will lose some people you may have been able to get with a lower gradient approach and good because if someone responds to your “comments” favorably you know they are interested.
Now you might want to set up a more moderate profile. You can state you are single, but don’t mention that you are looking to date. Instead say you are looking for friends, networking, and state what your passions are. In either case, make sure you put down on your profile your interests, likes, music, books, etc. so a person with similar interests can connect with you. You may want to check out the profile of the person you are interested in first.
Make sure your profile connects with their interests. (Make it real though. It is never a good idea to fake personality traits as this will just back fire on you later in the relationship when they find out you don’t really like those things.)
This kind of profile will make it clear that you are not trying to flirt with every person of the opposite sex that you meet.
So when you have your profile set up it is time to ask the person to be friends. Depending on how well you know them make sure you mention how you met or know each other in the message, and give them a non flirting reason to be your friend. For example, “We had a great talk about paranormal phenomenon at that party last weekend. “Friend” me here and I will show you some great Facebook pages and groups on the topic.”
If you have read any of my books and know about “creating future”, this is the thing you want to establish in this message. Give the person a reason to share things with you in the “future” on Facebook. Building up common interest is a good prelude to the flirting to follow.
After the person friends you, deliver on your promise and share from time to time. Don’t’ share everything at once. You will run out of “future” flirt too quick that way. Share common interests every few days or so, as you find new things. Otherwise begin to work this person as we did above in the section about people who are already your friends on Facebook.
The next case is How To Flirt with a friend of a friend on Facebook.
There are a number of ways you can approach this.
1) You can tell your friend what you are up to and ask them to suggest you as a friend or even send them a link to your profile saying “Check out this guy/gal. He/she is single too and I think you guys have a lot in common. You should “friend” him. (Make sure your profile is cool before you do this.)
2) You can send a friend request with a message saying “You came up under my suggestions and we have 15 mutual friends in common. Have we met before?” Or “I am a friends of George’s. I am surprised we haven’t met. I notice we have a lot of common interests. Let’s be friends.”
3) A lower gradient is to start a discourse by messaging them to see if they even respond. Don’t ask to be friends yet. Just try to establish some “future” here. Give them a reason to want to share things with you in the “future” on Facebook. For example, “I see you are a friend of George’s and that you go to LAMC. I go to LAMC too. What classes do you take? I am looking to form some study groups here on Facebook.”
Now if they don’t respond, then let it go. But if they friend you treat them like you did the friend above, who you knew in real life but was not a friend on Facebook yet.
Finally, how can we use Facebook to meet strangers and flirt with them?
Well it is against Facebook Terms of Service to spam people so you don’t want to do that as that might just lose you your account.
The first thing is to set up your profile the right way. In addition to the things we mentioned above, make sure you have lots of pictures and friends. If you don’t you may be perceived to be a weirdo or a spammer, because the false profiles usually have just one picture and no friends.
The way to meet complete strangers on Facebook is through joining groups, and creating groups and “pages”. By doing these things you will meet new people with similar interests as a starting point. (Note: you can’t see who “likes” a page unless you are the admin who started it.)
Meeting strangers is done on a very low gradient. Meet and “friend”both men and women with similar interests. Maybe you will luck out in one of your groups and meet someone you really like and can begin to flirt with him/her. But don’t worry about that. Look at their friends. Especially try to meet and “friend” the men and women who know a lot of cute men/women. Befriend them. You don’t have to flirt with these people. Just develop a relationship with them.
Once you have done this and developed “friends” and “friends of friends” through groups and pages, flirt with them just as you would in these two categories above. And that’s how you flirt on Facebook.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 2/16/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: How do you overcome fears that pop up sometimes even when things are going good?
Answer: That is a good question. There are entire books that have been written on that subject. It is not an easy question to answer as it varies from person to person. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a “complex” about failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary – not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.
The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in meeting or dating women:
When I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say “Hi.” If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn’t then I know she is not interested in me and the simple “Hi” just appears that I am friendly – not necessarily even flirting – so I don’t feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don’t ask her “Do you want to get intimate?” I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn’t want to get intimate she certainly won’t want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly “kiss her”, I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
Sometimes when I am fearful of confronting a woman about making a move, I even use “multiple choice” as a test of gradients. When planning a date and fearful to directly ask if she wants to come over to my house, I might say “Do you want to (a) go to a movie, (b) go out to dinner, (c) meet up with our friends at the party or (d) stay home and watch TV and cuddle.
That way I don’t feel rejected if she doesn’t choose (d) as I didn’t directly suggest that we had to do that. But if she does select (d) I know she is ready to take it to the next level.
When you feel uncomfortable and fearful just try to think of a lower gradient that isn’t as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/12/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: I work in a nice Italian restaurant where I take orders from the clients and prepare their food right in front of them. Thing is, there is usually a line-up and I have a limited time to get her interested. What can I say in the 3-5 minutes to get myself a date? My usual trick if I’ve chatted with her a bit is to leave her a dessert in a take-out container and fix a little note inside with my number. Works maybe half the time and I get a call or text but they always seem to be busy week after week, I don’t like to look clingy – thinking it’s a test each time – so I give up after a couple of tries. What am I doing wrong?
Answer: The main ingredient that you are failing to serve in the above scenario is “Future.” Meeting women and creating a relationship is all about “Future.” “Future is something that you have to establish from the first moment you meet them.
What is “Future”? “Future” is a reason to see or talk to you again “in the future”. Think about it. A relationship is nothing but “future.” A relationship is an agreement with someone that you will do something with them in the future. No “future”, no relationship.
Now for most women, the fact that you like them and think they are cute (which they can determine by your dessert and note) is not a good enough reason to see you again in the future. All that means to them is that you are sexually attracted to them. Believe it or not, this does not make you special because they probably get this each and every day of their life from many guys.
Now if you went about creating “future” with these girls properly, not only would they call you back and not be busy, but they would probably ask you for your number or give you their number in the first place.
So how do you establish future. Well in that three 3-5 minutes that you have, you have to discover something that these girls are really interested in and something that you can offer with respect to that that has nothing to do with dating or sex. This will make you unique and different from all the other guys who are just hitting up on them and will create attraction.
So for example, you notice that the girl is a great or sharp dresser. So you compliment her on that. “Wow, you have really nice taste in clothes. Where do you buy your clothes?” (Now obviously she is interested in clothes. That is why she is a sharp dresser.) She says, “Oh, thank you, I get most of my stuff from Petros on First Street.”
You say, “You would probably like that new shop in the plaza.” She says, “Which one?” You say, “I forget the name but they really have nice stuff there that seems like your style. I go by it all the time I just can’t remember the name right now. I will check the name the next time I go by and ask me the next time you come in.”
Now you have given her a reason to talk to you in the future that isn’t dependent on you being sexually attracted to her. Establish mutual interests and value in the future each and every time you talk to her in the restaurant or when she calls you on the phone. Gives her reason and motivation to call you again or return your calls.
She might even give you her number in the restaurant rather than you having to slip her a note, or if you do slip her a note have it say, “Call me in a few days and I will give you the name of that store.”
This is only one example, there are a thousand ways to be creative when establishing future. It may be a little hard to think of ideas at first, and you may even think of what you could have said hours later. That’s ok. Keep working at it and soon it becomes natural and easy to do.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/28/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do women interpret what we say to them?
Answer: Well, as usual, my answer is that there is no “mythical” woman. All women have different personalities just as we do. Different personalities will interpret what we say or do in different ways. Sometimes they will even interpret what we say or do in the same way, but the same words and actions will create different reactions in different women.
The trick to success is knowing different personalities, recognizing the exact type before you open your mouth, and saying the appropriate thing in the appropriate manner when you know the type.
A simple smile and a “Hi” to one type of personality will be a very effective approach meaning you are a nice guy who is interested. However the same words and smile to another personality type will mean you are just interested in sex and they shouldn’t trust you.
There are some universal communications however, that you should be aware of. For example, when you approach a woman in a bar, club or on the street, the simple approach will be interpreted as “romantic interest.” Rightfully so. Most men approaching a woman in those situations are doing so because they are romantically interested.
Knowing that, you sometimes need to negate that simple communication with words and actions, as the truth is most personality types will be disinterested in you when you approach them solely based on their looks. This means to them that you are interested in them romantically and that you only want sex because you don’t even know anything else about them. The better looking a woman is, the more true this is.
If you approach a woman in a bar or club and you say and do things to negate your “romantic interest” – like not talking about anything sexual, not complimenting them, and not having a grin on your face that gives your intentions away. If you just have a normal conversation with them as if you were not interested, they will interpret this in a different way.
They will see you as a guy who is either not interested in them or who is checking them out. Either way you will get less blow offs, because they won’t see you as just some crude guy after sex. In fact, you will usually create an attraction towards yourself by such behavior. When they start making little flirtations with you, then it is safer to respond appropriately.
Of course you will lose the occasional girl who is looking for an aggressive guy who will flirt with her, but truth be told, in bars, clubs, and meeting random women on the street, that is 1 in a 100 or more. The better looking the woman is, the odds become even worse.
So there is mo magic answer here. The best advice I can give a guy is to look at things from the women’s viewpoint. Some things are not as complicated as they may seem. I once dated a girl who was so beautiful that she came home with 15 business cards every day from men who approached her and told her how beautiful she was. Now put yourself in her position. How would you interpret what those men wanted? How would you feel about that if you were a beautiful woman who also had a brain? What would you be looking for in a man who approached you? Good looks? Or someone who might notice that you also had an intellect and could have a decent conversation with you?
Put yourself in the woman’s position. You might find that it is not that hard to figure out how women interpret what men say and do.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/21/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, isn’t it true that guys with money and/or looks get all the girls?
Answer: Well it doesn’t hurt to have money and/or good looks. However, there are plenty of guys with money and looks that can’t get girls or can’t get the kind of girl that they want.
Money and looks are attention factors. They attract attention, but you still need to know what to do with the attention to close the deal. Money is an even bigger attention factor than good looks. Don’t believe me? Try putting an ad in a newspaper saying good looking guy is looking for a girl, then put an ad saying wealthy guy is looking for a girl.
Guess which one will get more responses?
Does that mean that women are all “gold-diggers”?
No, not at all. It just means that money is a bigger attention grabber than good looks.
So if you have money or good looks, use it to get attention, but it will not close the deal for you. That takes personality factors.
I know guys with money and or looks who can’t even get one girl, and I know guys with money or looks that get dozens of girls – but none that I would touch with a 10 foot pole. So when it comes to getting the girl we want, the playing field is leveled.
There are other ways to get attention than money and looks. Putting yourself in a position where there are lots of girls and few men will get you attention. Saying the right thing to the right personality will also get you attention.
One time I just started pounding on the bar counter top until the female bartender noticed me. Believe it or not, I got her attention and I went out with her. So you see there are many ways to get attention.
The key to all successful relationships is knowing what to do after you get that initial attention. That is when the good looking and rich guys lose any advantage they might have initially, because money and looks don’t tell you what to do next to get the kind of girl you want.
A guy who knows how to observe and communicate appropriately to the personality he is trying to meet has all the advantage after he has gotten the girls attention. That is why I can close 80-90% of the women that I meet. Because I know what to do after I get their attention.
Also an observant guy who knows how to communicate can use these skills to get attention. So you see the guy who learns how to observe and communicate has the total advantage ultimately over the good looking and rich guys. Now when a good looking or rich guy learns how to observe and communicate – watch out!
(But luckily there are a lot more women than there are good looking and rich guys who know how to communicate, so there are still plenty of women for the rest of us. )
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/14/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, is there a way to get women to approach you rather than always having to be the one who approaches? I have extreme anxiety over always having to be the one to approach a woman.
Answer: Yes, there are ways to create women approaching you as opposed to you approaching women. Many guys have “approach anxiety” after being shot down one too many times. Of course, you want to overcome that fear and one way of overcoming it is getting experience with women and getting them to approach you first.
Some of the more complex ways are in my book “Dating To Relating – from A To Z.” However, here are some of the more simpler ways.
Personal ads and online dating services. Placing a personal ad or a profile on a dating service gets women to approach you first to make contact. It is the simplest method I know. You don’t ever have to approach women on these services. Place your ad or your profile and let women come to you first.
When you are out and about, try to go places where the male-female ration is in your favor. Don’t go to places where there are 20 guys and 2 girls. Girls won’t need to approach you in such places as there will be plenty of men approaching them.
Go instead to places where there are 20 girls and 2 men. Now you will find that women are competitive and will start approaching men. Where are such places? Well dance classes, cooking classes, knitting classes, etc. It will be different in each community. Just look around and find some places where it is mainly women in attendance, and find a way to be a part of the group.
I know an average guy, who was a security guard at a women’s gym, who was getting hit on left and right. Needless to say, he loved his job.
Finally, there are qualities you can exhibit that will get women to approach you. It is not always about being a handsome guy. A well dressed, well mannered guy will get attention from and attract women. A courteous gentleman will get attention and attraction from women. A man who is known to listen to women will get the same.
Women also like men who are confident. So posture, attitude, the way you walk or talk can exhibit confidence and attract women.
The more complex methods involve positioning and motions and observation of personality characteristics. Everyone is different and what creates attraction and approach from women will vary with different personality types. However, the simple techniques I mention above will get you started in the right direction.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/7/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: My girlfriend is always getting upset with me because she wants to get married, right away, and I don’t. I am unsure about her for a variety of reasons, but when I try to tell her what the problem is she won’t listen. She says I am a typical man with commitment problems, and that is the problem. How do I handle this?
Answer: There is a myth in our society that men have “commitment” problems. Sure some men do, but probably no more men than women.
The real problem is that a lot of guys want a sexual relationship so bad that they will compromise their integrity and will have a relationship with a woman they are really not ultimately interested in just to get sex. In other words, a lot of guys lie about how attracted they are to a woman.
Ultimately this leads to “noncommittal” but it is more a situation of “ I can’t commit to you” for most guys rather than “I can’t commit.” The myth then is conveniently used by guys as a good reason to draw the sexual relationship on a little longer, or to have the woman break up with the guy.
So we end up with a myth that “guys can’t commit” which is a lie, and the unseen truth that most women are unaware of is that “guys will lie and compromise their integrity just for sex.”
Most women on the other hand are not as needy as guys sexually and don’t compromise what they are looking for in a partner as frequently as men, just to have sex.
So you my friend are not typical as you seem to be willing to dispel the myth and at least tell the girl the truth of why you can’t commit to her.
The fact that she won’t listen and wants to dispel your comments as just having to do with the myth, indicates she is a little insecure and is perhaps afraid of what you might have to say.
So you have to approach the topic in a less threatening way then perhaps you are now doing.
One way might be to just “go with the flow”. If she wants to believe you are a typical guy who “can’t commit” don’t resist that concept and tell her what is wrong with her (which might be threatening to her) instead just say “you are right” you are a typical guy who has problems committing to anyone. But say you want to change and need her help.
Tell her you have considerations that you have to overcome, and even though they may be silly and contrived, that you need to discuss them and overcome them in order to overcome your fear of committal. You need her to be sensitive and genuinely discuss your considerations.
If you set it up this way, you might get her to listen and discuss your true feelings. There are probably many ways to soften the impact of what you have to say and get her to listen, but whatever you do you have to take the focus off of criticizing her to just getting her to discuss your feelings.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 8/31/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, is there an easy way to break up with someone?
Answer: Wow, what a good relationship question. And the answer is that it depends on the persons involved. It can be easy or very hard.
I have had relationships where we laughingly realized we are not right for each other and parted as friends with laughter and smiles and stayed friends afterwards. Then I have had relationships where I never wanted to speak to the person again, and vice versa.
In general, the more of a “surprise” there is in the break up event for either party, the more upsetting it is to get the break up news. So, one of the things that you can do to make it easier on everyone is to express your doubts as soon as you feel them. It is easier to handle doubts when they first arise and haven’t built up. If not handleable, then at least you got it out in the open early and there won’t be a sudden surprise if you want to end the relationship.
Being truthful the whole time you are in a relationship also makes the eventual break up easier if it occurs. Don’t ever lie to women and make them think you are more interested than you are just to get sex.
If you have mixed feelings, it is better to tell the truth. You probably will still get sex, but no one will be taken by surprise if it doesn’t work out. You might even be able to break up and remain friends.
So not lying, you can probably deduce, rules out cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Cheating is a lie, and it leads to a lot of hard feelings.“Finding out” is usually rather sudden. If you feel like cheating, be honest and tell your partner that you feel like cheating on them and why. It is much better to discuss it and either repair the situation, or break-up than cheat.
Losing your own personal integrity probably does you more harm in the long run then it does to the person you cheat on. If you are the kind of person who cheats because you simply can’t or aren’t ready for a monogamous relationship, well that is another situation that is best handled with honesty.
I have had many multiple relationships in my life, but I have never cheated on anyone or lied to anyone about my intentions. I have found that there are plenty of women who either will let me have multiple relationships or they want the same thing. I don’t consider these type of relationships “girlfriends”, just people that I am dating in between committed relationships.
But in any case, I have never had anyone break up with me because I was seeing someone else. The breakups I have had have always had to do with other “compatibility” issues.
So in final analysis, breaking up IS hard to do. But good honest communication the whole time you are in a relationship can make the break up (if it eventually happens) a lot easier to deal with in the end.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 8/24/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Where are some of the best places to meet women besides bars and clubs? Answer: Well anywhere and everywhere can be a good place if you know what you are doing. However, whenever you can get yourself in a position of being the only guy or one of a few guys amongst a lot of women, you will find that women become more aggressive and there is less work for you to do to meet them.
For example, I once went on a job interview to be a “steward” on an airline when there were mainly just “stewardesses”. There was myself and about 20 hot women in the room. Three of the women hit on me by the end of the introductory class we were taking.
So try to go to places that predominantly women usually go to – ballet class, knitting classes, yoga, arts and craft events. Try getting a manicure or a pedicure. Take a cooking class. Sign up for community or charity work. Take a dance class. Try browsing the romance section of a bookstore.
Anywhere where there are lots of people means there will be lots of women. So malls, grocery stores, events, supermarkets, amusement parks are also good places to meet women.
Places where there is a continuous flow of women can also be good. Places like Starbucks, or other coffee shops where you can hang out can also be a good place to meet women.
Eat alone at a diner – I have been hit on by many a waitress. This is especially good if you come back several times and they can get to know you. Mall and stores in general are good for this reason too. Once you see a woman that you like working in a store, it gives you a low stress way to come back and get to know her over time.
You can also focus on the type of place that would attract the kind of women you like. If you like party girls then go to bars and clubs. If you like spiritual women, try church functions or meditation or yoga classes. If you like healthy women try gyms or health food stores. If you like artistic types try museums and art galleries.
Another obvious way to meet women who are single is to go to singles events, mingles, cruises, etc. and of course online dating sites and singles advertising sites are how I got 700 dates in one year. The advantage of single events and sites is that you don’t have to figure out if people are in a relationship or not.
The bottom line is there are women everywhere and anywhere. So if you just stay aware you can meet women anywhere. However, trying some of the above might help increase the odds.
...and you will get free weekly tips on meeting women, approaching women, attracting women, flirting with women, seducing women, relating to women, marrying women, etc.
Plus you will have the opportunity to receive free books and materials from Mr. L. Rx...
AND you will get a chance to email Mr. L. Rx and get your own questions answered.
